Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
