At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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