maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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