is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
