The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
