wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
