It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
