It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
