Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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