Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
