R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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