Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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