im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
