just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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