WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
