sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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