i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
