do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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