She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
