Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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