now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
