apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What a dumb baby whore.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
