Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My feet surprised me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize