TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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