Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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