it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
