I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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