he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
