It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
