If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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