i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize