Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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