Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
