if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
