And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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