yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
