Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
