i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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