i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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