That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
