I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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