I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
