he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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