She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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