I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
