Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Shame - the story of my life.
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