I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize