Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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