Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
