idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Did I show you my penis last night?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
