I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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