I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
