his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
