I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
