my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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