So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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