none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
