if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
