I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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