escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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