Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
