no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
