well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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