you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
