I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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