Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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