Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
