I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
