Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
