this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
