If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
