I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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