then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
