i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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