Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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