All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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