I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
