we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize