yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
